Hello everyone. Today I feel like venting a bit so I figured I’d just throw caution to the winds and deliver my thoughts, unfiltered.
I’m in the midst of the coronavirus restriction, which means most stores are closed, and my Saturday office at Cosmic Delights is closed as well, due to the store closing. I am missing my psychic reading clients so badly, and my soul hurts not to be reading. I’ve been looking on the bright side or at least pretending to ever since this thing began, but today, my bipolar has drifted to the bottom of the sad/happy scale.
I was very happy when I was able to get out of the house earlier today, so we could put some air in the tires of our car and get a pan to cook a turkey the pantry gave us. While we were out, we went to Tenney Park by Lake Mendota and spent some time out there, in the cold, windy day, watching the rough waves out on the lake. I hugged several trees, photographed absolutely everything, and at the end, I photographed the beautiful clouds overhead in a heavenly blue sky and felt better. I even snapped a picture of two crazy, happy people riding a tandem bike, who stopped by the park for a break.
But then it comes home to me just how tight things are. Without my readings, almost half of y monthly income is gone, not to mention the positive interactions I have with people. Some folks seem to think that I’m some sort of guru or selfless role model, doing readings and counseling folks as I do, but what the truth is this: I get as much from doing the readings as any of my clients do. I get back all the positive energy I give away and then some. And to tell the truth, without it, I feel lost and alone. I truly love my people and I miss them all so much! Facebook is nice, but it’s not the same as speaking to someone face to face, looking into their eyes and souls and sharing a mystical bond that strengthens us both.
And you know what else? I never used to be a “huggy” person. I was raised in a very cold environment. Never got “I love you”s or hugs and all that stuff. I never thought I needed it. But once I set myself free from the restrictive environment where I grew up and the judgmental people therein, I realized that even a simple hug, a show of camaraderie, or friendship or that ever so rare meeting between two souls who have a shared past life history is something that not only do I need, I crave that and I don’t do well without it.
I can see that others are making good decisions during this time by marketing their readings, crystals and other such online, on live feeds and other venues, and in a way, I very much admire that, but it makes me sad and sort of disgruntled that I am camera shy and not at all good with online face to face things. As a strong empath, I am used to being able to “read” people when I am with them, at least to the extent of feeling a bit of what they feel, and without that, I feel like I’m working blindfolded. Now I know some folks (you know who you are) would say that that is a crutch, but dammit, I am an old dog now and new tricks don’t come easy. Working through manic depression is hard enough, and now this virus has the world in a weird kind of stasis, all of us holding out breaths, waiting to see how this plays out, that all that, combined with my anxiety makes me just want to dig a big hole and bury myself until such time as I can rise from my grave, reborn into a healthy world once again.
So there are my cheerful self and thoughts for today. I am, on the other hand, collecting a series of photos I’ve taken, showing people out walking and bicycling, carrying on with their happy lives despite everything. I really admire those people who are doing so while still “social distancing” as a good citizen should. Rock on people. Those of us who feel as if literally everything in our lives has changed need to see you out playing in the sun. Rock on, crazy, happy people.